How can I hold back se**ual relations back from my better half?

Ive been married for 20 years monogamous. I read the Old Testament and I'm having trouble holding se**ual relations back only for procreation like it reads in the Bible. I try to follow it like Dr. Dobson does. I don't want to be a hypocrite to my friends that have the same 20 year monogamous relationship with their partner. How can I follow and act on the word of God?? ...Thank-you.